Choose Your Hard – Instant vs Delayed Gratification
The Bottom Line – Our success is rooted in our ability to choose what we REALLY WANT versus what we WANT RIGHT NOW!
- Easy has a cost – Short-term ‘easy’ can lead to long-term ‘hard’, while short-term ‘hard’ can lead to long-term ‘easy’ in ways that really matter.
- Modern society is driving us to instant gratification. It is all around us, but ultimately does us no good past the pleasure of the moment. Our actions are choices we make – lets choose wisely and with our eyes-wide open to the TRUE COST.
- In many ways, our success in life is determined by our ability to choose delayed gratification (for important things), over instant gratification. We are making SMALL choices all the time that ADD UP to life-changing directionality and decisions. Let’s choose what we REALLY want, versus what we want RIGHT NOW.
Instant Gratification vs Delayed Gratification?
Instant Gratification gives us short-term rewards that feel good in the moment but passes by quickly (often followed by a wave of guilt or regret).
Delayed Gratification is the ability to resist the temptation of instant pleasure (or avoidance of discomfort) in order to achieve our goals and build the life we really want. It leads to much larger rewards with true fulfilment and pleasure.
| Example | Instant Gratification | Delayed Gratification |
|---|---|---|
| Nutrition | Eat a donut co-worker brings into office. · Indulging in delicious food can feel good in the moment. | Passing on the donut because we are not hungry. · Taking care of our bodies with proper nutrition is ultimately a greater reward. |
| Self Development | Binging Netflix every night after work. · Relaxing at home is the easiest thing to do at night. | Carving out time in the evening to develop a new skillset or attend networking events. · Self development activities evolve us and lead to new opportunities and ambitions. |
| House | Spend money on clothes and going out. · New things can make us feel great for fleeting occasions. | Saving money to purchase a home. · Everyday pleasures can cost us financial security and opportunity to live daily in a home of our dreams. |
| Self-Worth | Repeatedly choosing instant gratification, has us living in the moment at the cost of earned achievements that build up our belief in ourselves and our ability to achieve our goals and dreams. | Success in delaying gratification leads to achieving more long-term goals that prove to us how capable we are and improve our self-worth. |
Although some of us are born with better impulse control than others, it is absolutely possible to build up our delayed gratification thinking and put it to action in our own life. But it does take effort and practice.
Why Delayed Gratification matters so much?
Making choices that feel good or avoid discomfort in the moment, come at a cost of what we truly want in life. Often the most valuable things require our focus on long-term benefits:
- Better Health
- Healthy Relationships
- Long-Term Career Goals
- Improved Self-Worth
- Life Success Overall
Why is Delayed Gratification so HARD?
Our brain likes certainty. The long-term benefits are less certain – versus the ‘sure thing’ offer in front of you now. The amount of uncertainty around the long-term benefit informs how attractive the instant gratification choice is. If uncertainty is very high, instant gratification can seem like the only viable choice.
- Ex. Pleasure from donut is certain, while achieving a healthy lifestyle is much less guaranteed as an outcome.
Requires Trust in the Process and Oneself. Making choices in support of uncertain future outcome requires one to believe in our abilities and trust that the path we are on will lead to our goals. This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy – the more we choose to believe in ourselves and commit to the process, the more favorable actions we take and ultimately achieve our goals. Betting on yourself is always a good thing!
How can we increase our Delayed Gratification Abilities?
- Raise Awareness of Current State: Bring awareness to the moment – what am I thinking/feeling/doing? Awareness of choices being made is critical to giving us the chance to influence with our conscious thinking.
- Operating on default, our brain will be driven to make the ‘easy’ choice with the instant reward. Delayed gratification requires our energy, our conscious thoughts. The more present we are in the moment, the more we have a chance to intervene and make choices on purpose that prioritize our long-term desires.
- Define Target Vision: Know what we really want for ourselves. If we are going to trade off instant pleasure, we must have in mind the reward we truly seek. Otherwise, the trade-off is too hard to make in the moment when we need to (or at least harder than it needs to be).
- Take Small Steps: We can work up our skills by delaying gratification for only a short amount of time and then build on that. What can I do to delay just a bit more than yesterday? Small realistic steps with consistency leads us to results!
- Define It: Remove uncertainty from the equation by setting a specific goal or time limit for the upcoming reward.
- Ex. At a train station we much prefer to know how long until the train arrives. With certainty of wait time, our brain settles, and we choose how to spend time with ease.
- Ex. Timebox studying in the evening for professional development.
- Ex. Faced with an unplanned donut, remind yourself of the next treat you have planned for yourself (whatever that may be).
